Nadezhda GavrilinaThe Life She Stopped Putting Off

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There was no single event in Nadezhda’s life that split everything into “before” and “after.” There were desires that, year after year, got moved to the “later” column.

Someday — my teeth. When there’s more money — a checkup. When there’s time — my body. When things are clearer — my own business. When the relationship changes — talking about what I want for myself.

I’ve seen it many times: this isn’t how lazy people live. This is how active, responsible women live — women who have everything under control except their own desires. And nothing bad enough happens to make them stop. So it goes on for years.

For Nadezhda, change came differently: one realization led to another, then to a wish to test it, then to action. Today there’s massage and spa work, her own project HairVedaZ, medical care, her body, money, her relationships with her partner and her daughter, and a mortgage that’s almost paid off.

But the growth wasn’t on the outside. She grew into a woman for whom her own desires are no longer something that can wait.

Victory Naydenova · Founder of CLIRIUM® ME

As told to the editors of Clirium’s Magazine

When I came to Clirium, I was already a working massage therapist. And there I saw something I had never thought about myself.

I’m much bigger than that, and I have far more ways to bring my desires and ideas to life than massage alone. Massage is a little too narrow for me. My resources are physically limited.

I’m not giving up my profession. I love the work I do with my hands. But this work has a limit, and it’s very simple: there are only so many hours in a day, and the body has only so much strength. However many women I can see for sessions — that’s how many I’ll see. There’s no way to do more.

So I started thinking — not even about money, but about impact. Where could I feel whole and free, enjoy what I do, and invest myself the way I’d like? And give the most benefit to more people than I can reach through hands-on massage.

But something else came first. And it was the hardest part.

I saw so many holes in places where I never imagined I had any gaps. Especially where I sold myself short, where at certain moments I betrayed myself, where I discounted my own worth. And I thought that was normal.

That “I thought it was normal” is the most important part. Until I started studying the different sections — on emotions, feelings, relationships — I didn’t see any problem at all. That’s just how I lived. I chalked it up to my personality, to circumstances, to not wanting conflict.

And that was the main thing — to see it. Because after that, I had to decide for myself and choose something different. To find the way to close that hole. But first you have to see it and accept it, and accepting that you really do have a problem isn’t always easy.

I don’t have one date after which everything changed. The problems were different, and the decisions came gradually, one after another. Each time it came down to the same thing: I don’t want to live like this anymore.

The standard I chose was simple.

I choose where I feel good, where I feel calm and confident. That was my starting point — the actions that brought me calm, self-confidence, and the belief that I could fix anything.

I began to value myself more. I understood what it means to love yourself, what self-worth is. What it’s like when you don’t settle for less, but choose the very best of the best. When you don’t bend over backward for someone just to avoid a conflict, but say honestly and openly how you’d like things to be.

And the answer to the question of scale was right where it had been my whole life.

I’m forty-three, and my hair is longer and thicker than it was at twenty-five. No salons, no trichologists (hair and scalp specialists), no miracle products. It isn’t genetics or an expensive stylist. It’s thirty years of simple choices, repeated week after week.

For thirty years I just lived that way and never thought it was something I could pass on to anyone.

I pulled it all together into a system and built my own website about hair. It’s called HairVedaZ. There I talk about my personal approach to hair care, which I developed over many years. I’m putting my experience and knowledge into it so I can organize them and share them with others.

There is no magic product — and that’s good news. There are three pillars. A natural foundation: hair oiling, gentle sulfate-free care, simple products you can find in any country. Nourishment from within — that’s where hair grows from. And consistency: results come not from a one-time mask but from a ritual repeated month after month.

There’s a separate lesson on scalp massage for hair growth. So my hands haven’t gone anywhere. They’re just part of a system now — one I can share without ever touching a person.

And let me say right away what I tell everyone.

I’m not a doctor, and I don’t pretend to be one. I don’t treat anything — I share what I’ve been doing myself for thirty years. For serious problems, see a doctor. I’m upfront about that.

I was asked whether there was a moment when I looked at the result and thought: I really did this.

There was. And it wasn’t the website.

It was the moment I decided to start my own group chat — so more people could learn about the healthy-hair system.

You can build a website quietly, without showing it to anyone. A chat means people. Real women, with questions and doubts, and you have to answer them yourself. For someone who had sold herself short for years, that turned out to be harder than all the technical work combined.

My students are there now. From Moscow, Saratov, Kolomna. Women over forty and over fifty who were sure it was already too late for them.

Some of the changes I’ll keep to myself. But I’ll name a few.

My relationship with my daughter has gotten better. I started to understand what she would like from me as her mom — what actions, what words. I noticed some things I simply hadn’t seen before.

In my personal life, we took a big step: we filed our application to get married. I’m not sharing the details yet.

And I’ve almost paid off my mortgage.

There’s one more thing I changed in myself that I consider very important.

I stopped imagining what other people were thinking. Without knowing what someone would actually do or think, I would decide in advance what was on their mind and what they would do.

You don’t ask — you assume. Then you get hurt by your own assumption. Then you adjust to it. And you end up living with a person you made up yourself.

If you put me before Clirium next to me today, the difference would be enormous. And the most valuable thing for me isn’t the website, or the mortgage, or even the new stage in my relationship.

It’s this feeling of having a foundation inside me.

Here’s what I’ll say about the space itself. Everyone there can talk boldly and without fear about any problem at all — and what she gets back is a warm, friendly atmosphere. We all come there to solve our problems, and as experience shows, there isn’t just one problem, there are several.

And a word about Victory. Victory Naydenova became my anchor as I got started. She leads the group with great care and sensitivity and has a feel for each of us. From point A to point B and beyond, we go through every step under her care.

I was asked which decision changed the course of my life the most.

There was only one decision — to live, and to live my very best life. Which is exactly what I’m creating now. I’m creating the best version of myself and my very best, happiest life.

That doesn’t mean everything is done. I’m just starting to grow HairVedaZ, I want to earn more broadly and on a bigger scale, and I still have room to go.

But I know how it works. Just like with hair: not a one-time mask, but what you repeat month after month. See the hole. Admit it. Choose something different. And again.

HairVedaZ is Nadezhda Gavrilina’s own project, grown out of her many years of personal hair-care experience. In it, she organizes her own care practices and makes a point of stressing that they are not medical advice and do not replace seeing a doctor.

The project is presented as the author’s personal experience, not as a medical method.

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