The move you dreamed about for years has happened. Paperwork done, apartment found, kids in school. Then, a few months in, something nobody warned you about arrives: irritation with everything, tears for no reason, homesickness for the very place you couldn’t wait to leave. Many women decide something is wrong with them. In fact, this experience has a name—and it was described more than sixty years ago.
What culture shock is
The term comes from anthropologist Kalervo Oberg, who proposed his model in 1954 and published a now-classic article in 1960. He noticed that people moving into a new culture go through a similar path and divided it into stages. Everyone’s timing and intensity differ, but the pattern is recognizable to almost everyone.
The four stages
1. Honeymoon. Everything new feels wonderful. Differences look romantic, and it seems there won’t be any hardship.
2. Crisis (or negotiation). In Oberg’s model it often arrives around three months in. The differences that once delighted you start to grate. Language is hard, unwritten rules are confusing, and your usual support is far away. This is where many people say, “I want to go home.”
3. Adjustment. After six months to a year, you develop routines, understand the rules and make first friends. The new culture stops feeling hostile.
4. Adaptation. You feel confident and at ease, able to take part in life here without losing yourself.
The stages aren’t a straight line. You can feel settled and then slide back into crisis after a job loss, a family illness or simply a long winter.
Why it can be harder for women
- Losing a professional identity—a career and status back home, a degree that isn’t recognized here.
- Invisible labor—setting up the household, school, doctors and paperwork often fall to women, leaving little energy for their own adjustment.
- Loneliness—no mother or close friends nearby, and new connections take time.
- Guilt—“I chose this, so I have no right to complain” is one of the heaviest thoughts of emigration.
What helps
- Name it. Knowing this is a predictable stage, not a personal failing, already eases anxiety.
- Build small routines. A favorite café, a morning walk, your own bench in the park. Small rituals give footing where everything is still unfamiliar.
- Learn the language for people, not for a test. Every chat with a cashier or neighbor is a step out of isolation.
- Find your people—and new people. Women from home bring warmth and understanding; local friends help you feel part of your new country rather than a guest.
- Reclaim your work. Many women in our magazine found their footing in a business, a creative practice or a new profession.
- Talk about your feelings—with loved ones, friends or a journal.
When to reach out for professional help
Culture shock is a natural response to big change. But if a heavy mood lasts for weeks, disrupts your sleep or your ability to work and care for yourself and your family, or you start to feel hopeless, don’t carry it alone—reach out to a licensed counselor or doctor. Many therapists in the US work in Russian and other languages, including online. Asking for help is a sign of strength.
One more thing
Culture shock can run in reverse, too: returning home, even briefly, many people find that everything has changed—and so have they. That’s normal. Emigration changes you, and that isn’t a loss but an expansion.
Adjustment isn’t a destination; it’s a path. If you’re in stage two today, it simply means you’re on your way.
This article is for general information and does not replace advice from a licensed mental health professional or doctor. If you are struggling, please reach out for support.