Calculator · 1 minute

What Does My “Yes” Cost?

Count the time that goes into favors you agree to when you actually wanted to say no.

A woman in a magenta jacket carries folders as someone offers her one more.

How many times a week do you say “yes” when you wanted to say “no”?

How many minutes does one of those “yeses” take, on average?A call, edits, a drive, “I’ll handle it”

What is an hour of your work worth?A rough figure, to turn time into money

Your result

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Your result—↓

The details

Why saying no feels so hard

Many of our yeses are gladly given — they don’t belong in this calculator. It counts the other kind: when “no” has already formed inside, but out loud it comes out as “Sure, I’ll help.” Often what drives that answer isn’t the wish to help, but the fear of disappointing someone or losing closeness.

One at a time, these moments look small: half an hour on a call, an evening on someone else’s slides, a drive you didn’t need to promise. Over a year they add up to weeks — and usually nobody sees that time, including you.

156

hours a year — almost four work weeks, if you say yes instead of no three times a week

A worked example

Say three times a week you agree to something you didn’t want to do, and each time takes about an hour. That’s 156 hours a year — almost four full work weeks, or twenty free days. At $30 an hour, that time would be worth $4,680.

The money isn’t a bill for the people you love. It’s a way to see the size of the time you never agreed to with yourself.

What to do with your number

You don’t have to stop helping. Start with one step: leave yourself a minute between the request and your answer. “Give me a minute to think” doesn’t cancel anything — it gives the choice back to you: say yes, help in part, or say no kindly.

Ready-to-use phrases for each option are in The Pause Before Yes.